Thriving through these middle school years

My family and I recently took a much-needed vacation, and like so many of you parents, it's a challenge for me to truly slow down. And, for an extended period of time - really hard for me.  A few days in, I started to feel like I needed to be doing something in order to be valuable. Can you relate? I'm ready to change that story I tell ya!

Speaking of transforming old stories: Today's podcast "My Top 5 Middle school Parenting 'Fails' & What to do instead" is dedicated to changing the way you feel about failure or stress in your middle school parenting journey,  while sharing the top 5 most common parenting fails I see, and some simple, yet valuable ways you can transform the feeling of failure to feeling confident.

In today's episode, you'll learn how I really feel about failure, and I hope you'll come to feel the same. I'll also talk about:

1. Why winging these middle school years will catch up with you.

2. Why when you hover or micromanage your middle schooler you're expressing fear.

3. Why I laugh every time I hear the phrase "you have two ears and one mouth for a reason"

4. How "Yes" becomes toxic, and "No" becomes one of your BFF's

5. How the right systems can bring you consistent peace

Also, I have a very special and exciting announcement! I've created a FREE Masterclass just for you, middle school parents, as you begin this school year. If you're ready to remove overwhelm and get more peace in your day-to-day - You don't want to miss it! Listen to today's episode to find out more or you can register now!

Before we get into today's talking points I want to say one thing: I don't really believe failure is such a bad thing.

I believe each "fail" is an opportunity to learn and grow and wake up a little more to fully living life well on your middle school parenting journey.  I teach students and parents to think of it as "failing forward".

There are no perfect people or parents. Ever. The end goal isn't perfection. It's to be a fully expressed human being and help your kiddo become the same. They need to see you fail - then learn from it and own it - and intentionally work to improve. This is priceless learning for them!

My intention here is to highlight common behaviors or actions I've seen adolescent parents make that often backfire in negative or harmful ways, and because you're here I know you want to do what's actually going to work and help elevate yourself and your kid as much as possible.

So, let's dive in.

Take a Look at Today's Talking Points

[5:04] Fail #1: Don't just 'wing' these middle school and early high school years.

Meaning, you approach these years assuming you already know everything there is to know about parenting an early adolescent because you have an older child, or because you made it this far, or you think you'll just figure it out. Now, I don't think you should stress, but I believe it's wise to be proactive and educate yourself about what these years entail.

I go over what this means exactly in the rest of the episode.

[7:40] Fail #2: Constant hovering or micromanaging

The most well-intentioned parents can frequently hover into their middle schooler's business, or micromanage their every move truly believing they're helping them.

Who wouldn't want some advice when life gets challenging?

Who wouldn't want everything done for them?

Doesn't everyone need to feel like at least one person is knowing every detail of their life?

The short answer: No. These examples of hovering and micromanaging are actually expressing fear.

[9:30] At home this would look like:

1. You model a skill and take full responsibility for teaching about that skill

2. You and your kid share the responsibility for directing the process.

3. Your middle schooler works independently to practice skills and master the learning or task.

[11:50] Fail #3: You're doing more talking than listening.

When I hear: you have two ears and one mouth for a reason I always laugh a little.  It's a pretty direct way of saying It's time to practice being an active, attentive, non-judgmental listener. When you deeply listen without judgment, and you notice their body language, tone of voice, and the words they share, you're communicating: You're interesting to me! What you're saying is valuable, and I'm learning things from you all the time.

[13:43] Fail #4: Not taking care of your own needs.

When you're go-go-go-ing for work, your kids, your parents, your friends or your partner, but you've deprioritized your sleep, health, exercise, or mental health, you're "Yes" to everyone else but yourself is becoming toxic. 

You will break down, become reactive and snap, your health will suffer, and you won't be having as much fun in life and definitely not in parenting. You'll be triggered by things that are seemingly small, then snap and find yourself in a guilt or shame spiral. It's a no-win cycle.

Remember, your brain and body first, and everything and everyone else benefits.

[16:25] Fail #5: You have no consistent systems that work

If you ever feel spread too thin and underresourced, or your middle schooler feels overwhelmed with school, loses things all the time, misses lots of assignments, it's time to take a look at the systems you've got going at home.

When I say 'system' I'm not talking about a complicated, or timely process of checked-boxes. I'm talking about different tangible and intangible pieces that fit together to make something work well. And this is a process that you and your middle schooler are going to do together!

Examples of systems I teach students, parents, and apply to my own life are:

• Morning Routine
• Bedtime Routine
• Learning / Homework
• Health / Wellness
• And so much more!

Now you know what the most common parenting "fails" are during these middle school years and I've got a way to help you do something about it!

You've heard me say it before: you can only control so much. So, I'm here to help you bring focus to systems that provide the support you truly need right now.

I've got a FREE Live Masterclass specifically for middle school parents and it will help you learn how to apply the top 3 simple systems that will have you saying goodbye to overwhelm and hello to success this school year.

Check it out and register today!

Like what you hear? Keep listening to the Elevated Adolescence Podcast