3 Essentials to Open Up Communication with Your Middle Schooler

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I'll never forget when my Dad found out that my neighborhood friends had been playing Barbie's and the Barbie doctor had been getting a little too touchy-feely with another doll. This prompted their parent to call my Dad and let him know "It could be time to have....the TALK."

My parents were divorced, so this meant he'd have to go it alone. As he and I sat on the couch, I remember him searching for the right words to say...and coming up blank. Then, he said this:

"When a man and a woman... Oh, never mind. I'll let your mom tell you."

I didn't put the pieces together until years later how difficult that was for him. No tools, and feeling a little lost.

This is how some conversations can feel for all of us. And, as your early adolescent is now developing their own inner world filled with existential questions, temptations, and input from all sides, you want to do what is essential to keep the doors of conversation open between you.

But, sometimes they shut you out or shut you down. And, you might be left wondering how to approach a conversation that needs to be had without walking on eggshells.

In today's podcast, I'll be sharing the top 3 essentials to bring with you to any conversation - especially the tricky ones when you want them to open up to you.

I've also created a free PDF guide with these essentials, as well as simple prompts to get you thinking about what will work for you during your next conversation.

Take a look into today's talking points

Essential #1: Communicate your deepest feeling.

Sometimes when we're wanting to have a conversation, our fears and egos get wrapped up in our dialogue, and this can end up being expressed as anger or anxiety. Instead, communicate your truest and deepest feelings. This can sound like:

• "You're worthy of all the goodness you want."

• "There is nothing you could say or do that could make me not love you."

• "I believe in you."

Essential #2: Actively listen

Listening is the greatest tool above all others to end suffering, war, and conflict. Modeling how to be a good listener is the best tool you can pass on to your early adolescent and an essential tool to have when you want them to open up.

Actively listening shows your middle schooler:

• That their perspective is important

• That you hear them and understand where their coming from, even if you don't totally agree

Essential #3: Present different modalities to communicate openly

I don't know about you but when I discovered love languages my mind was blown.

The 7 love languages are:

• Acts of Service. ...

• Quality Time. ...

• Words of Affirmation. ...

• Physical Touch. ...

• Communication. ...

• Expression of Affection and Love. ...

• Final Thoughts...

Once I learned about these love languages I understood my husband more, my parents, and my friends. It makes sense! People give and receive love differently based on their own needs.

The same is true for opening the doors to conversation. Sometimes being able to talk openly and articulate how they feel, especially when they are just trying to make sense of it, can be really challenging for many early adolescent kids.

This is why it's essential to present them with different modalities to communicate openly with you.

Some examples include:

• Hand-written notes

• Them drawing a picture, writing a poem, or a song.

You can come up with a way with your middle schooler that means something to them.

And, don't forget: I've created a free PDF guide that lays out these 3 essentials and gives you the space to create your own - just download for free

Like what you hear? Keep listening to the Elevated Adolescence Podcast