Thoughts on being a parent to an early adolescent

There is something magical that happens when you get a group of people together who are all going through the same experiences. In this case, I was able to take a passenger and back seat as the expert, as I gathered some of my close mom friends to talk about our shared experience of having 5th-grade daughters in the midst of going through alll of the early adolescent changes & challenges we're experiencing. 

I'm so honored to be joined by Kimi, Lauren, Natasha, and Allyson because they bring so much wisdom and experience to the conversation. I value their perspectives and humor immensely and I bet you will, too.

So if you're a parent of a 5th-grader or a soon-to-be middle schooler, this is the episode for you. We cover everything from

• How to preserve childhood and get our kids "ready" for middle school

• How we keep the doors of communication open

• And, why memes might be saving us

In this episode, my expert self takes a back seat and I let the conversation go where it needs to go as it relates to fellow moms and what it's like raising an early adolescent girl during this transition.

Take a look into today's talking points

[3:30] How do we preserve childhood at a time when the world wants our kids to grow up really fast?

• Early adolescents are in this phase where they can be very childlike one minute and then very mature and blow your mind with their level of awareness the next

• The importance of imaginative play, the beauty of their creativity, and their imagination

• Parental expectations of their kids reflect expectations of society and how a middle schooler "should" act

• Seeing your kid start to pull away from childhood and try to be more serious to fit in and get social approval

• As a parent, prevent yourself from taking away their playfulness and goofiness. You want to prepare them without taking away their innocence

[11:00] Fostering innocence while still preparing them for the "real world"

• Is failure the key to feeling more comfortable with where you are now and who you are?

• You are most authentic when no one is watching

• Trying on different hats in middle school and being shaped by peers and society

• How your own middle schooler experiences influence the way you parent your own kid and how you let them develop their own sense of self

• Do you prepare your kid for the pressures middle schoolers will face in school?

[16:00] The importance of keeping the lines of communication open

• Is there such thing as too much honesty? The struggle between wanting your middle schooler to be informed, but not knowing how much to share

• Being a safe space for your kid to express their true feelings - breaking down after school because they've held it together all day

• What happens when your kids face issues they won't share with you?

• The importance of being vulnerable with your kids and giving yourself permission to not always be strong

[20:40] The physiological changes that are happening for early adolescents

• How can you talk about body image and body positivity and weave in puberty into the conversations

• Riding with the emotional volatility

• What happens when your kid is in denial of their physical or hormonal changes? 

• The difference between getting the information from peers vs. parents

• Finding safe places to have sensitive conversations and knowing when it's the right time

[29:20] Giving your adolescent a sense of responsibility

• The struggle with wanting to take of things and make things easy for your kid, but also let them have some responsibility around the house

• Depending on your situation at home, how are you navigating responsibility and your adolescents "growing up"

• How to ask for help as a parent

• Teaching your adolescent responsibility through independence through age-appropriate tasks

• Building a foundation of confidence and life skills

[42:45] The mental health crisis and being more comfortable with having conversations about it

• Creating a healthy model of how to talk about mental health and overall wellness

• Sometimes we have to be vulnerable about our struggles in order to get the help we need

• How to do the best with the tools you have

• Allow your adolescent the space to talk about what they want to talk about

• Keep communication open with trust and none-judgment for the truth, whatever it is

• Being able to talk about mental health is psychological safety

People, places, things mentioned in the episode:

• It's Not the Stork by Robie H Harris 

• Superior Colorado Marshal Fire

• King Supers Shooting, Boulder Colorado

 *Clarification* In the episode I say I don't have a sibling, but I have a beloved half-brother who lived in OK. What I mean is I didn't have a sibling I shared day-in and day-out with my mom.

Like what you hear? Keep listening to the Elevated Adolescence Podcast