Wisdom to lighten the load of being a parent to an adolescent  

Before we dive into this episode, I want to say "You're doing a good job." You may not hear that all the time - especially from your adolescent, but it's true. You may feel down, your kid may be going through a rocky time, or you may even feel like you're just coasting. At the end of the day, if you feel a lot of coulda, shoulda, woulda's, I want you to remember this: You are doing the best you can with what you have, and you and your kid were made for each other.  Each moment is a new moment to show up as best as you can, and forgive yourself when you can't. The purpose of this stage is growth - for both of you.

This is what my guest and I talk about today, amongst other things. I have the gift of sharing the mic with child and adolescent clinical therapist and parent coach, Robin Goldstein - Lincoln. She's been at this work for 25+ years, and she has some encouraging lessons to share at a time when I think we all need to hear them.

Take a look into today's talking points

[5:23] The change in adolescence over 20 years.

• Adolescence seems to be happening earlier and causing more worry for parents

• Influence of media

[8:12] Lightening the load through adolescence

• Finding your deep resilience

• The throw-up analogy

[12:56] The power your adolescent gains from you getting curious

• Listen without agenda

• Set the stage for them to discover their own wisdom

• Let your questions be arrows for their own discovery.

[16:46] Simple things that parents can remember

• Adolescence is by nature very dramatic, don't minimize what they're saying but don't let the drama of what they're sharing scare you too much

• If you are unsure if your adolescent needs you to listen or give advice, don't be afraid to ask!

[20:40] If you're struggling with the loss of control

• Robin's advice on focusing on the wins

• What are indications of the micro-shifts in your adolescent that are positive

[24:52] A positive reflection on adolescence today

• Increase in self-awareness

• Normalizing mental health and emotions

• A surprising discovery about what helps reduce depression and anxiety during these times

[29:28] Pause: respond with love

• Tricks to help you pause before you react

• Humor as the antidote to almost anything

[32:40] Why the transition can feel so hard to parents

• Going from the "main event" to the "side event"

• The cycle of parenting

[35:45] A repair is just as good as if we had done it right 

• A second chance goes a long way with your adolescent

• We are all just human, be vulnerable

• Making a distinction about where you're feelings are coming from and coming back to the root of how you really feel

[40:52] Rapidfire with Robin

• Fill in the blank

People, places, things mentioned in the episode:

• Robin Goldstein-Lincoln has a thriving private therapy and parent coaching practice. Learn about Robin here >>

• "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & How to Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Like what you hear? Keep listening to the Elevated Adolescence Podcast