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Teaching your kid about healthy sexuality is a lifelong gift

Today's guest, Sex Educator, Founder of Birds + Bees + Kids, and author of soon-to-be-released "Sex Talk With Tweens: What To Say & How To Say It", Amy Lang gives us insights into the best time to bring up sexual topics, the mindset shift that must happen in order for your early adolescent to grow up sexually healthy, how to keep your kid safe from sexual content online,  and so much more.  If you've got a kid with a tablet, a phone, or exposure to a computer, in other words - you and every parent of an early adolescent you know - today's episode is a must-listen-to.

Amy Lang, MA has been a sexual health educator for over 26 years. With her lively, engaging, and down-to-earth style she helps parents become their kid’s go-to birds and bees source. Her books, Just Say This podcast, and Birds & Bees Solutions Center gives parents the advice and support they need to prepare their kids for this important part of life.

I think this might be one of the most important podcasts we've done so far, and it's also one of my favorites because I think it's going to be so impactful for you, parents. I know talking about sex with your kids might be highly uncomfortable for you, or leave you with questions like how early should I start? What exactly should I cover? And, how should I even start?

So let's dive in!

Take a look at today's talking points

[6:40] The best age to start talking to your kids about sexual wellness and sexuality

• Amy's answer might surprise you!

• The steps of development and what they should know and why

• We tend to project our experience onto our children, which makes it feel awkward. But to your kids, it's just science!

[9:10] Amy's books Sex Talks With Tweens

• Where to start to have this conversation with your tweens (begin and end with how you want them to feel)

• What to do instead of saying "don't"

• Why you might need to apologize if you haven't had the conversation yet

[15:20] Tactics for starting a conversation about sexual wellness

• Why it's important to keep them informed

• Bring it up in day-to-day conversation

[18:30] How to address the more alarming topics like dick pics and porn

• Stats are alarming for porn and it is unavoidable. Your kids will see pron before they graduate high school.

• Your kids have to know what healthy sexuality is and what their boundaries are. Don't let porn be the way they learn about sex

• It's important that you get in the door first and fill them with healthy information

[22:44] Remove the shame

• You have to be cool when you talk about sex

• Let them know they won't be in trouble

[23:30] Parents have to use monitoring and filtering

• Creating a seatbelt for the internet

• You would never give your kids the car keys

• They aren't able to have the same impulse control as adults

• Amy's tips for the best ways to use monitoring and filtering

[30:00] Your kid is recreating their identity and how you have to show up changes

• Letting go of the story you have about who your kid is and who they are not

• All bets are off during adolescence

• Keeping them safe in a whole new way

• This is the only thing we do that is lifelong

• Adolescence is when your kid starts to develop their sexual identity

People, places, things mentioned in the episode:

• Amy's upcoming book Spring of 2022: Sex Talk with Tweens: What to Say and How to Say It

• Statistics:

• 3% of pornographic sites require proof of age, and 25% do not include adult content warnings.

• 10-12% of teens believe they are addicted to pornography

• The average age or exposure to pron is about 9 years old

• Bark - internet and tech use monitoring

• Amy's books and solutions center

  • Additional Sex Education Books & Resources 
• Recommended books: 
  
  • Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)
  • How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography 
  • For Goodness Sex 

The one way you can guarantee that your kid will open up to you about important topics like sex is to continue to have a strong relationship through adolescence. But it can sometimes feel overwhelming knowing where to start! 

I hope you use the tools inside this episode and do what you can to educate yourself and your kid on what it means to be sexually healthy. They deserve this gift, and you deserve this kind of peace of mind!

Also, I know how much you're craving some more clarity and ease, and less stress as a middle school parent.

Well, I've got something exciting for you!

Starting next week registration opens for my free live Masterclass:

"3 Common Mistakes Even the Best Parents Make:  How to avoid them, and simple tools to feel instant relief as a middle school parent"

And, let me tell you, even though I've been doing this work, I'm guilty of these mistakes, too!

I believe mistakes are always an opportunity to learn and grow, so learning what these are could be the difference between you struggling right now and feeling a giant weight lifted. 

Remember: parenting an early adolescent isn't linear, and there's no room for shame. 

But, if you could have some a-ha's and get some relief, wouldn't that be pretty wonderful?!

Make sure to sign up for my email list, and keep an eye on your inbox because I will be announcing registration for this Free Masterclass early next week!

Not on the emailing list? Join the community today by downloading any one of my resources - starting with the the Sex Safety 101 guide linked here!

I've got your back, and I hope to see you there, 

Ashley

Like what you hear? Keep listening to the Elevated Adolescence Podcast