Start here before ditching the device

It's the classic digital generation scenario; you bought them a device with the best of intentions —and some rules in place—not wanting them to be left out of the social world, but every time you look at them their face is buried in a screen.

As a result, you feel like they don't have the best social skills, and every chance they get they are wanting to race back to that device. You are constantly battling their device for their attention and this is causing arguments between you and frustration within you. Now, you're questioning all of it and you're ready to ditch their device altogether. If this sounds like you or a situation you've been facing more and more, then today's episode is for you.

Before you make any rash decisions or become angry at the sight of it, I've created a 3 step process to practice with instead.

These three steps will help you to:

• Get real and honest with them and yourself about tech usage

• Create healthy boundaries that feel fair for everyone

• Start to engage more with each other instead of your screens

Take a look into today's talking points

[1:37] Step #1: Examine your own tech usage

Show them first that you're not on your screen all the time. If they see you doing the opposite of what you're telling them, they aren't going to be very receptive to anything you say. Even if their face is in a screen they're paying attention to that.

[2:11] Step #2: Get honest with yourself (and them)

Do you need to face a hard truth? Is it sometimes convenient for you that your middle schooler is on their device? Because when they are, they aren't rolling their eyes or saying "I'm bored," every 27 seconds. Them being on their tech is kind of a break for you. But you need to be honest with yourself and admit the role you might play.

[2:55] Step #3: Re-evaluate the boundaries you've put into place (or not). What's working? What isn't? Do you have boundaries?

[3:11] Parental control apps are a hard-line boundary option. Bark gets excellent reviews if you feel like this is something you need to put in place. It tracks social media, text and email 24/7.

So before you ditch the device completely, brainstorm and experiment with how to make some changes. Remember that not all tech use is bad, so it's about finding balance. Involve them in this process, get their feedback on boundaries and ask them to share how they feel about their tech use. The more involved they are, the less resistance they'll have.

Your middle schooler wants boundaries, whether it seems like it or not, because when they know what to expect it will reduce the stress and anxiety around tech for everyone.

Like what you hear? Keep listening to the Elevated Adolescence Podcast