Tech boundaries matter, here is why...

I want to preface that I'm not an expert, but I'm paying attention to experts, and I'm learning. And, after this week's Facebook whistleblower, Frances Haugen's testimony, I think it's important that the conversation continues in each and every one of our homes. It's rattled me so much I had another episode planned for today that I've pushed it back because this is so timely and critical.

We've all known-consciously or subconsciously - that social media has a dark side. Especially for our adolescent kids.

Anxiety, depression, suicide, eating disorders, self-harm, are ALL on the rise for them. Like I've mentioned in previous podcasts, we've got an epidemic on our hands.

I think we can ALL agree that once smartphones came on the scene our lives changed in ways we didn't consciously evaluate. And, chances are you yourself have gone down the rabbit holes of social media - wondered where time has gone - or left feeling like crap about yourself.

Imagine this times 100 for your middle schooler. Because that is what's happening.

They do not have the brain capacity to turn it off, even when it feels like crap.

They need your structure and your help to create those boundaries. They need this education.

And, I'll say this: Facebook and Instagram and all social media need stricter regulations. They need wide-range reform. I don't believe they are going anywhere, but I think this is an opportunity to use them to be forces for truth and positivity. Because the effects of their toxicity are seeping into all of our homes and contributing to the divisive negativity we feel so tangibly in our everyday lives.

Until social media platforms have stricter regulations and more transparency:

Here are the actions I believe middle school parents need to take

1. First, share what Frances Haugen shared.

Watch her testimony together. Educate yourself and them. Tell your adolescent about the manipulation happening with the algorithm and how it encourages addiction and manipulation.

2. Set boundaries around tech in your home.

Non-school-related tech use limit to no more than 2 hrs. a day. Try no phones at the dinner table or during homework time (come up with an alternate plan to engage with friends around homework if needed). And no phones after 9:00 at night. Research shows the benefits on a mental and physical level of these boundaries are immense.

3. Engage in explicit conversations around what's happening in their social world.

Ask open-ended questions, and be open and willing to receive their response without judgment.

4. Reinforce the benefits of a healthy in-person social world.

Encourage them to have friends over and not be on their phones when friends are around. Encourage them in activities around areas of interest - sports, arts, engineering, theater - whatever it is! Reinforce face-to-face human contact in your own life and be a model for them.

5. Play the "If this, then..." game with them around these topics.

Without judgment in your voice and matter of factly, you could say things like:

"If Dayna ( insert their friend here) were to send her boyfriend a sext and she told you, what would you say?"

"If a boy contacted you on social media and DM'd you something you weren't comfortable with, what would you do?"

6. I know their social world relies on phones, but wait as long as you can to get them one.

In fact, if possible - I say band together with other parents in your kid's friend group and commit to waiting until 8th grade.

If you're wanting to do your own research or see what's inspired my opinion, here is a list of resources I reference in the podcast:

Wait Until 8

11 Facts About Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying Facts

This area is TRICKY and like you, we're all navigating it in real-time together. I will continue to do my research and share my thoughts as more information emerges.

Let's just say: proceed with caution, encourage empathy and perspective-taking, and critical thinking at home, seek out in-person connections, and become an advocate for regulations that keep our adolescent kids (and ourselves) healthy and safe.

Remember: parenting a middle schooler is not for the faint of heart, but you were made for each other. If you commit to showing up each day for yourself and for them, your lives will change for the better.  

Like what you hear? Keep listening to the Elevated Adolescence Podcast