Middle school parents, are you telling yourself this lie?

Before we dive into the talking points for today's episode I'm so excited to tell you about something I've been working on behind the scenes and I think you're really going to like it. And, when I know you're gonna like it why keep it a secret? So, here's a glimpse. In the not-so-distant future, I'm going to have featured guests, interviews, and a Q&A session just for you.

Yep, that's right - you'll be able to submit questions around the art, science, and soul of early adolescence, and I'll answer your questions live right here on this podcast! And, if you're open, I'd like to feature you as a guest (first name only - or can be anonymous).

Remember: if you're struggling with something, or you feel stuck around an issue, chances are that other people out there in the middle school world are too!  For now, if you have any questions you know you'll want to be answered you can send them to support@elevatedadolescence. I can't wait to hear from you and there's more to share about this in the weeks to come!

Let's dive in!

Parents who learn about my work often ask,  "Why early adolescence? Why 5th-9th grade?" The truth is that I'm focused on early adolescence because 1) Personally and professionally I see that early adolescence is when many people get "lost". And, 2) it's proven this stage is the toughest for parents to navigate.

I believe that by lifting up this age group and parents of early adolescence we're going to have much better chances as individuals, families, communities, and a society to change our world for the better. To live with more love for ourselves, more peace, and more purpose. No big deal - just some life and world-changing epic stuff there.

But before we get to all that, I want to address one big realization parents need to have. Time and time again I hear parents say this one BIG lie to themselves about these years:

I'm nervous, scared, terrified, stressed about middle school and high school for my kid.

So, here's a little tough love: I call BS on this.

You're not as nervous for them as you are for YOURSELF.

You've lived through these years, so you know what's coming, and the truth is you don't know how you're going to parent them through it all when so much of it brings up negative memories. What you really want is to know is what you can do to keep them unscathed. Because when they hurt it's the hardest thing in the world to witness.

I'm going to let you in on something here: No matter how much you know, do, or share they will go through challenges. There will be struggles, exposures, pressure, and uncomfortable experiences. These aren't an IF, they are a WHEN.

The goal isn't to keep them from challenges, but to equip yourself and them with the essential beliefs and practices you need to get through the challenge - and for both of you to come out stronger and more confident on the other side.

So, I've identified the top 3 reasons middle school and early adolescence is so uncomfortable for you, and this is a chance for you to see what this stage in your kid's life is bringing up within yourself.

1. Your unhealed adolescent past

2. Your resistance to change

3. Your perceived loss of control

Take a look into today's talking points

Your unhealed adolescent past.

This is a biggy. Chances are high that you had some awkward, uncomfortable, even traumatic experiences during 5th - 9th grade. And, the truth is that any fear you have for your own kiddo is rooted in the fear that the same thing that happened to you - is going to happen to them.

I know I've said it before, but it's worth repeating: They are not you, never have been, and never will be. As parents, we always want better for our own kids than what we had. Yet through my work I often see well-intentioned parents swinging this pendulum the opposite way - either through overprotection or over-involvement or fear-based decision making.

So, you must unravel your own experiences, and start with answering the question: What happened to you? And, how is it still affecting your life? Your decisions as a parent? And, your relationship to this stage of your kid's life?

Your resistance to change.

Self-identity is an interesting process and goes through many iterations throughout the course of our lives. Up to this point, you could put many labels of "Who you are" on yourself.

As your early adolescent is growing, your identity as a mother or father is shifting as well. It's not so much the role itself - you're still going to be an ever-important part of your kiddo's life - but the way you show up. The way you need to express your parent role is changing, and, for some of you, this is excruciating.

And Early Adolescence is the siren of development that you need to buckle up because this entire stage is riddled with fluctuations, ups, and downs, unpredictable moods, and events. In short, it's filled with CHANGE. Early adolescence is built on a foundation of change.

In the episode, I give you a few tips on how to boost your ability to thrive through change, so be sure you take a listen! Here is a snapshot:

1. Look at the data in your own life. Reflect on points when big changes took place.

2. Notice what is positive about this shift in early adolescence parenting - and maximize it.

3. Start with small habits.

As Dr. Maya Shanker says: be ready to be surprised by your own resilience.

Your need for control.

If you like to always be in the driver's seat, and the present moment or the unknown is deeply uncomfortable, the (perceived) loss of control embedded in adolescence is a tough pill to swallow.

As a parent of an early adolescent, you must focus on what you can control and what you cannot. The sooner you release the things that you cannot control - the more freedom and less stress you'll experience.

Examples of things you can control:

• How you take care of yourself.

• The media you consume.

• Your mindsets

• Your perception of yourself and your kid

Examples of things you can't control:

• Your kid's strengths and weaknesses

• Your kid's mood.

• Your kid's friends.

• Your partner's relationship with your kids

The more you focus on what you can control, and the more you release what you can't - the more peace you're going to experience as a parent.

Like what you hear? Keep listening to the Elevated Adolescence Podcast