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All it takes is awareness and the right tools to thrive through these years

So, parents have come to me over the years wanting me to help their kids have motivation, or help them get organized, or have time-management skills. And, that's all justified - who doesn't want their kid to have these skills?

But, I also think it's important to have an understanding of the process of learning these skills and it has everything to do with executive function. As a parent, you need to know the basics of the formula of executive function, so you can keep your expectations hopeful, but realistic. Change doesn't happen in one day because you did something one time, but it does happen! Your kid becoming more regulated, or more organized happens through repeated exposure over time.

If you want to have a simple overview of what executive function even is - I've got you. Head to episodes #4 and #9 - as well as my free resource: Executive Function 101.

So, let's dive into my tried and true Executive Function formula I use with students and parents with great success, and the coolest thing is you can use this at home.

Here's the thing: I think many of the education and psychology models you'll find in traditional talk therapy offices or public schools are largely outdated. There is an inextricable link between our nervous system and our neurological, biological, and spiritual health as humans. When you're looking at the surface behavior of anything your middle school does, be it:

• yelling at you for seemingly no reason

• or can't keep track of anything

• or if they're super slow and always late

What you're seeing is the surface behavior, and underneath that behavior, there are several other factors, like a ladder of skills or lack-there-of, that add up to that behavior.

As I share this formula - keep that in mind. What you see on the surface is not the whole picture.

So, imagine a current challenge you're facing with your middle schooler. Take a minute and think of an executive function challenge they are facing.

There are many ways executive functioning shows up in our lives, and remember, the part of their brain that is responsible for these is under construction. So, the likelihood that they aren't strong in one of the areas is high! It's important to have patience and understanding if that's the case. Have hope - as you'll see from the formula, with the right mindset and structures - they will get there.

Alright, let's dive into what I call my "Blueprint for Change"

Take a look at today's talking points

Point A: this is your starting point. This is where your kid is right now, and what you imagined. Now, I'm not going to dive deep into 1-4 because these are actually my course modules (click here for more info), but here's a sneak peak:

1. Step 1: Your Paradigm Shift:

2. Step 2: Holistic Wellness:

3. Step 3: Master Your Mindsets:

4. Step 4: Build Your Relationship

Once the foundation of these things are in place, not perfect, but in motion, you integrate

Step 5: Gain Insight: What is the challenge? What is their skill level? What are the underlying skills that they need to be able to perform that executive function?

Then, you can identify:

• When to help

• Identify roadblocks

• How to create supportive structures

Step 6: Problem Solve: Like I said, there will never a completely smooth path to EF skill development. Roll up your sleeves, and view your kid as a teammate. How can you solve this problem together? What changes need to be made? Are there roadblocks you're not seeing?

Step 7: Iterate: Stay Flexible, Consistent, and Committed:

Ditch phrases or threats like "If you don't get organized, then you'll never be successful!" Or,  "I give up - I've taught you everything I know." These will only close doors to connection and learning. You've got to stay flexible, consistent, and committed.

And through that, you and your middle schooler will reach a New Point B

Your kid will have gained so much resilience and learning and you'll be a witness to the growth process - for yourself as a parent and guide, and for your middle schooler.

You've got to believe it to see it. Hold the vision, and trust that everything is working out for both of you ALL the time. Never forget - you were made for each other!

Resources for Executive Function:

• Episode #4

• Episode #9

• Executive Function 101

This is episode is a small snapshot of what I offer in Middle School Success for Parents and if it spoke to you, find out more about the course. Executive function skills and growth is baked into the structure of the course and this is also where we dive into steps 1-4 mentioned in the episode!

Like what you hear? Keep listening to the Elevated Adolescence Podcast