Independence is necessary for success in middle school

Middle school is really a bridge your kid is crossing from childhood to adulthood.  It's natural and healthy for them to gain more independence, and this is going to require you to transition from manager to guide.

Middle schoolers want more freedom, but this doesn't mean you let them have free rein and no boundaries. The goal is to allow them to have more freedom to help them grow and keep boundaries in place to help them feel safe.

One thing to remember is that there is a lot of gray area in giving your kid more freedom. It depends on their ability and awareness, and other circumstantial elements that are unique to you and your family. When introducing skills that require independence, teach them and model it for them first. Then let them do it on their own. My suggestion is to be open to supporting them along the way, but ease up on doing it for them. So, keep that in mind while I tell you the three top reasons to give your middle schooler more freedom and independence.

In today's podcast I share:

1. The top 3 reasons to give your middle schooler more independence, regardless of ability.

2. Some examples of what it might look like and how to start introducing more independence 

3. A FREE downloadable checklist and journal (see below) that can help you determine what is right for you depending on the decision you're facing.

A look at today's highlighted talking points

[2:33] Reason #1: Your middle schooler's confidence. Science and Spirit intersect here (which is my favorite thing). In all aspects of life, confidence and consciousness only grow through adversity - our ability to navigate new challenges and experiences - and grow resilience along the way. If they aren't facing life with greater adversity and increased independence, they won't learn that they can. If you are doing something for them that they can clearly do themselves - I recommend you stop. Here are three examples of ways to help build their confidence:

• [4:42] Put them in charge of keeping track of their own stuff

• [6:17] Involve them in making plans

• [7:29] Support them in navigating challenging friendships on their own

[10:09] Reason #2: Your connection. This natural separation in your role and dynamic is happening whether you like it or not. When you try to control everything for them (beliefs, decisions, clothes, schedules, activities, etc.), you are prohibiting a natural transition of your relationship dynamic from manager to guide.

[12:42] Reason 3: They experience the benefits of safe risk-taking and natural consequences. The early adolescent brain is primed to take risks and one of the biggest hesitations or fears that comes up again and again from parents is that something bad will happen to your kid if they are taking risks. The key is to focus on what "safe risks" they can take towards greater independence, and also allow them to experience the natural consequences of that risk-taking

Middle School Independence Checklist and Journal

Each family is unique, and my intention is to help you become more confident in parenting your unique middle schooler. There is never a one-size-fits-all approach. So make sure to download your FREE copy of the Middle School Independence Checklist and Journal. It's simple and easy to use and provides 6 key prompts to help you think through whether they're ready for more independence in a specific area, as well as what supports and boundaries you need to put in place as the parent/caregiver.

Envision them as this growing, capable, thoughtful and wise human - these are the roots taking hold. I can't wait to hear how this goes for you. You've got this!

Like what you hear? Keep listening to the Elevated Adolescence Podcast