Last week's featured resource

Confidence doesn't mean perfection

Who doesn't want their kid to be confident? The number one 'want' or request from any parent I work with is that they just want their middle schooler, or kid at any age, to be confident.

• Confidence means they have awareness of their own strengths.

• Confidence means they feel of value.

• Confidence means they aren't afraid to stand out, they will withstand the criticism, or social challenges of adolescence.

• Authentic, healthy Confidence is an energy that attracts and emanates positivity

But confidence doesn't mean they feel the need to be perfect. Inherently, someone who is truly confident knows they aren't perfect - and they are at peace with it.

Here's an interesting twist that relates to what we see around this topic. According to the American Psychological Association, young adults now face greater social and economic challenges than did previous generations. Between 1989 and 2016, over 40,000 college students completed a survey measuring their tendencies toward perfectionism.

Today's young adults and adolescents are more competitive and inclined to be perfectionists, expecting more of themselves and others, because they feel the rise of this in our culture and society as a whole. And, it particularly harmful as collectively we feel, and our adolescents feel pressured to meet unrealistic expectations - whether in school, how they look, what their body shape is, what they say and so on. Social media is one aspect that contributes to this idea of social perfectionism, which this study shows makes students more susceptible to psychiatric concerns like eating disorders, depression, and anxiety.

In this week's episode we talk about:

• What confidence really is
• The connection between confidence and perfectionism
• The missing link to your kid's confidence and how to connect with them around this topic to ensure they are on board and intrinsically motivated to participate

Some suggestions that your middle schooler could be into and make positive impacts (remember giving back isn't the option, it's HOW they want to - give them control by giving them the choice) 

• Find volunteer opportunities that appeal to your child’s interest. If he likes animals, consider volunteering at an animal shelter. If he likes being outdoors, your child could help during cleanups at community parks. He she likes crocheting - maybe head to a local elderly facility and she can knit with others, or start a knitting club at an elementary school or in your neighborhood with other kids she can teach. It can look like so many different things!
• For those of you with active kids (I'm raising my hand!) Look for community service projects with a lot of physical activity. Team building corses. Trash clean up in nature. Playing ball with the special olympic athletes. Volunteering is a great way to get your child to channel excess energy. 
• Search for opportunities that play to your child’s strengths—his islands of competence. If your older teen likes to work with their hands, consider building houses for your local Habitat for Humanity, working on other community building projects, or preparing meals at a homeless shelter. 
• Get the whole family involved in a volunteer effort. Not only does volunteering as a family help you grow closer, but it also shows your children the value you place on community service.
• Take a look at the United Way listing of community service and volunteer opportunities near you.
• Contact your local community kitchen for ways to participate.
• Search online for community service organizations or clubs in your community.
• Join clubs that promote community service.
• Ask the docent at your favorite museum or the park ranger at your local state park for ways you and your child could get involved.

People, places, and things mentioned in the episode:

• Dr. Robert B. Brooks:

  Nurturing Islands of Competence: Is There Really Room for a Strength-Based Model in the Treatment of ADHD
• Monica Kirkpatrick Johnson, PhD 
  Journal of Research on Adolescence
• Dr. Abigail Marks

Like what you hear? Keep listening to the Elevated Adolescence Podcast