Trust your unbreakable bond

Ok, before I dive in, I want to say this: I've just shared a BIG announcement with my email list (hint: it involves a discount to pre-register for my upcoming course). So, head on over to the Elevated Adolescence resource page and grab a resource you need - you'll automatically be signed up to receive alerts around this announcement, the discount, as well as insider tips and stories I only share through email.  I hope to see you there! Now let's dive in to this week's topic.

Parents of all middle schoolers, as your kid's social world opens up you have less and less control over who their friends are and that can feel unnerving. Up until now you've had a tighter grip on their social circle, and when a kid would come on the scene you didn't want around, you'd likely let them fade away or not make an effort to coordinate with their parents for playdates.

Now with middle school right around the corner, this is becoming different.  You may have questions or nerves around their exposure to kids that make you uncomfortable.

Some of the reasons your kid's growing social network can feel so uncomfortable for you:

• Unresolved experiences you had as a middle schooler, and the wounds you may have had along the way. 
• Or, because of the deep, unsettled feelings you have about the headlines of the world. Kids are crazy, wild, doing drugs, and having sex at a younger and younger age, but your sheltering can only go so far.
• I'd like to just point out that every, and I mean EVERY single adult generation since the industrial revolution has felt this way about the rising adolescents - they've always been wild and crazy!

In this episode, I share the process of beginning to shift and reframe the purpose of friendships, and social challenges during these years. These feelings are not new - and you are not alone. Remember, your role as their parent is to guide your middle schooler and help them strengthen their inner world, so no matter the circumstances in the outer world they feel stable and grounded.

I've used the 5 W's (Why, What, When, Where and Who) as a framework to navigating how to show up for yourself and your middle schooler when you don't trust a friend (or friends). You can also take a listen to the episode where I give you sample scripts to navigate these situations!

Take a look at this episodes talking points

WHY?: Examine why and get to the root of your own fear around this friend.

Maybe you experienced this with a friend over the course of your own life? Or maybe you're going through this right now? Reflect on your own experience.  What's at the heart of your fear?  I encourage you to vulnerably share this experience with your middle schooler, and part of relating to them as a guide is to build authenticity and vulnerability.

WHAT?: Practice observing what happens between them without judgment. What does my kid seem to be absorbing from this friend? How is this friend influencing my kid? How does my kid show up when they're around? Do they become "bigger" or "smaller" ? Do they follow the friend? Lose their voice? Become a leader? Notice awareness or gaps in essential skills.  Do they lack emotional intelligence? Do they lack self-awareness? Do they need to gain more perspective and empathy? Or maybe stronger judgment?

WHEN & WHERE?: When & Where can you insert your control? Once you realize your kid's gaps and influences from this other friend, you can create more opportunities to strengthen their skills and awareness and create experiences where they can diversify their friend group.

WHO?: As this situation evolves, remember that your #1 focus is on your own kid - not the peer. Work on focusing on these four things:

• Bringing your attention to what you can control
• Strengthen your own bond with your middle schooler
• Examine your own experiences and model what you've learned in your own friendships- be honest!
• Reserve judgment towards your middle schooler and pour your enthusiasm and confidence into them learning to attract healthy friendships.

Like what you hear? Keep listening to the Elevated Adolescence Podcast