The most important skill for middle school

Here we are at the beginning of August 2021, and many of you are preparing for your kiddo to be back in school - whether it's their first year of middle school or they are kicking off high school, you instinctively know you're crossing an invisible bridge once school starts - and you may wonder how best to support them (and yourself) during this transition.

In light of that, I want to share the #1 executive function skill to prioritize for back-to-school or ANY time of the year.

Executive function is a fancy term that describes the many ways we become what I call the "bosses" of our lives.  If you want to understand executive function better, make sure to check out Podcast Episode #4: Executive Function 101.  There I share the basics of executive functioning, what the early adolescent brain has to do with it, and simple ways to practice it at home.

So, you're probably wondering: what is the #1 executive function skill I should be prioritizing? It's self-regulation. This is the skill that helps you manage emotions, behavior, and body movement when faced with stress or a challenging situation.

Your early adolescent's brain is in full-on reconstruction mode, specifically in the pre-frontal cortex. They are actively working to building the skill of self-regulation, but frequently the emotional center of their brain is in control. This means, as the parent or caregiver, YOU have to act as the pre-frontal cortex for both of you. You have to model self-regulation so they will learn to see it in action.

Listen to the full episode to hear a very real and hard story I tell of an example where self-regulation was not used and how it could have gone differently if it were. In this episode, I also give you 3 ways to practice self-regulation for yourself and how you can model it for your middle schooler.

Take a look into today's talking points

[4:21] What is self-regulation?

Imagine a pyramid of executive function, and at the base of the pyramid is self-regulation - all other key executive functions like impulse control, time management, organization, and so on ALL come back to strong emotional and behavioral self-regulation.

[5:02] Psychologist and self-regulation expert, Stuart Shanker says:

“Self-control is about inhibiting strong impulses; self-regulation [is about] reducing the frequency and intensity of strong impulses by managing stress-load and recovery. In fact, self-regulation is what makes self-control possible, or, in many cases, unnecessary.”

[5:30]Self-regulation is a more automatic and subconscious process - patterns and habitual skills strengthened over time, while self-control is exhibited actively and purposely - it's more similar to social skills.

How to practice self-regulation:

[6:37] 1. You must become aware of how you're feeling in each moment. Examples of this include: sensory perception and present moment awareness

[6:55] Next, realize what might be triggering or causing you more extreme emotions. For me, impatience is a big trigger.

[8:09] Develop calming strategies for yourself when you get upset. An example of this is separating yourself from the environment (listen to the episode for more examples and ideas).

No amount of back-to-school supplies or a fancy new wardrobe can replace the impact that strengthening your own self-regulation will have on the success of school re-entry.

If you haven't already, make sure to sign up for my weekly emails where I share insights and insider info I don't share anywhere else. HINT: I have something coming up soon and I really don't want you to miss out! The best way to join the list is to head over to my Resources page and download a FREE resource you need - like my Executive Function 101 guide (also, you'll automatically be added to my list).

And remember, parenting a middle schooler is not for the faint of heart, but you were made for each other. If you commit to showing up each day for yourself and for them, your lives will change for the better.

Like what you hear? Keep listening to the Elevated Adolescence Podcast