Ashley Chandler (02:35)
Well, hi there. Welcome back to the Teenage Guide Podcast.
I have disclosed this on a previous episode, one thing I'm going through right now, personally, is I'm actually being evaluated for ADHD myself. I know this is like.
truly headline newsworthy. Major ahas for myself, mind-blowing realizations personally for me. It's like putting the pieces of my life together at 47 years old. It's just insane. but I can't unsee it now that I'm in perimenopause.
I can't unsee so many ways that this plays out in my life and played out in my past. and the type of ADHD I suspect that I have is called inattentive. And this does not mean that I'm hyperactive. If you know me, I'm not someone that is super impulsive. I'm very present with people and conversations. I'm super focused. I like to say that,
Just like talk to me and tell me like my to-do list. It's gonna go in one ear, out the other. Tell me Pamela Anderson's life story. I know it. Instantly.
like photographic memory, I can see it all. This is inattentive, meaning I'm not really impulsive in my behavior or my relationships so much, but I have about 40 tabs open in my brain right now. And how do I create the structures and the systems and the routines and the habits that enable me to do what I need to do? This is a very big myth when it comes to motivation. Now not everyone has ADHD
But I do believe so many of the things, so many of the skills and the tools that we have when we are neurodiverse apply to a typical learner, right? This doesn't mean that we can't take the tools and the strategies and apply them to our own life. They may actually really help us. we do not have to process information the same in order for it to benefit us. So
One thing that I can reflect on from my college years when I
Transferred
to the school that I really wanted to be going to with my friends. And within one semester, I was put on academic probation because I did not have the skills and the habits to learn in a way that actually made information and knowledge and critical thinking and all that sticky to my brain. I had to train myself to be that way. And I coach college kids all the time now.
and high school and middle school. But particularly what I notice with high school and college is there is this myth that somehow we are just gonna feel like it. Like we're gonna feel like doing that assignment that we actually don't want to do or that project. Or we're gonna feel like having that conversation or, you know, setting that boundary. No, that is a myth. Nine times out of ten, we actually don't just
feel like it out of the blue, we have to create habits that enable us to trick our brain and our biochemistry and our beliefs into truly, I think, re-remembering who we really are, what we're capable of, what we actually want to do, then we feel like it. It's kind of like chicken or the egg. Oftentimes, especially college kids, teenagers, they think they're just going to feel like it and then it's going to happen.
And adults, we go through this too. It's actually the reverse. We have to be boringly consistent with our habits and our routines so that we then feel like taking the action. This is how we get the dopamine hit. So, for example, I'm coaching again several college kids right now. And I am guiding them to create.
The structure in their day from the moment they wake up until the moment they go to sleep, that feeds into their regular life, how they love living life. So maybe like they know they're gonna hang out with friends starting on Thursday night. They can lock in Sunday through Wednesday, is what I suggest. Come Thursday night, if they've got a test on Friday, this goes out the window. But come Thursday night, they may have a little bit more flexibility. They have to be
Exercising at least three to four times a week. I suggest movement every day. It doesn't need to be intense. And they need to be paying attention to their diet and their partying. I'm gonna say, here's the blocks for you to actually reach your goals. And if you don't set up
building blocks and support and structure and routines and habits, then just feeling like it through the week is going to get you into a trap. It's going to get you into a cycle where then all of a sudden you don't feel like it and you feel lazy and you feel low energy and you don't feel like it's worth it. And then you start telling yourself that maybe you're just not a school person, you know?
Maybe you're just not meant to have good friendships. Maybe you're not meant to get a cool job after college. Maybe you're not meant to get into that college that you want to. And that is a load of crap. It's actually a load of crap. I want you to play this for your teenager or to remind yourself as you are becoming the teenage guide inside your own home that what you have control over right now.
is
the way that you are structuring your day,
Do
the thing before you feel like it. Start making those walks with your teenager absolutely non-negotiable. They want fun money to hang out with friends from you. They want to have you be their taxicab or their bank. There are some non-negotiables built into that that feed the system of feeling like it. That is how we build motivation.
something
that I repeat ad nauseum I I say this a lot. So forgive me if I'm repeating myself, you already know this. When we want a different experience, we have to have a different belief. If we want to believe different things, we have to take different actions. It all feeds each other. So feeling like it and being motivated and being self-driven.
Is actually the result of what we're believing is possible for ourselves. What we're telling ourselves matters. Why we matter? What's the point? If you've heard of Simon Sinek, he's a great business coach and business thought leader. He's all about, know your why. Why are you doing this? What's the point? And that why needs to push you to create the boundaries.
To remove resistance and excuses, to set out the workout clothes ahead of time, to have an accountability buddy or a coach like me that's gonna say, hey, what's happening with this? This is important to you. Remember when you told me that? Remember when you told me that this was important to you? I'm gonna hold you accountable. That's why I'm here. But in a really awesome supportive way, because I hold the vision for what is possible for you and for your teen. That's what I do.
Comes very easily for me to hold that vision because I believe that if you exist, you are worthy, you are valuable, you have purpose. Period. You don't have to prove anything to me. So when it comes to motivation, there is a myth of feeling like it first. And instead, I invite you to ask what new routine or new habit can I make non negotiable in our lives?
right now that is going to trigger dopamine, that is gonna get us into action, that is gonna get us into believing something else about ourselves, our relationships, and the direction that we're headed. That is my motivational speech for today. It is a short and a sweet one. Remember to check out the details about The Fall Sprint that you heard about earlier.
I am loving this quick win that I'm giving for clients right now. It's incredible. You see real results in six sessions that you use over the next few months. on that note, never underestimate the power that you have as the parent. I'll see you next week.
