The Key to Thriving Through Change

It's the one thing we can count on happening. By the time you're finished reading this blog, a multitude of changes will have occurred in your body, the day, and the world. So if change is a constant, why is it so hard?

 

There is a whole branch of research dedicated to change and our ability or inability to "deal" with it. And what have scientists found? Almost everyone struggles with the transition to change, but there are a few things you can strengthen and practice that can make the transition a little easier.

 

There are two distinct ways that our brains can register change. The first is as a threat. One of the reasons change can be hard is because being ok with change goes directly against your brain's motivation to survive. Humans are hardwired to seek out certainty because if you know what to expect, then you have a higher chance of survival. When you experience change, your brain can register it as a threat which then triggers a whole chain of events of physiological and emotional reactions that make it hard to adapt.

 

The second way to register change is to see it as a challenge or opportunity (instead of a threat). This interpretation depends heavily on mindset and outlook on life and comes from viewing change as an opportunity to learn and strengthen one's abilities.

 

One pathway leads to distress, while the other pathway leads to beneficial challenge. Depending on which pathway your brain is most used to taking, the goal is to move away from interpreting change as a threat and see it as an opportunity. So how can you help your middle schooler thrive through all of the changes they (and you) are going through right now? There are several key elements to keep in mind such as:

But the #1 way to thrive through change is to help your middle schooler develop a growth mindset.

 

You might have heard us mention a growth mindset before because it is one of the foundational cornerstones of what it means to succeed in middle school and in life. The thing is, adapting to change doesn't happen overnight. It requires habitual practice and being intentional about shifting your mindset. And if you've been a part of the EA community for a while, you know what I'm going to say next. Anything that you want for your kid must first start with you.

 

So, before I get into how having a growth mindset will support you and your adolescent through change, take a moment and ask yourself these questions:

How do you feel about change?

Why does change feel scary?

Can you remember a time when change wasn't good? Is that experience ruling your ability to move through change now?

How might your feelings about change be affecting your middle schooler?

 

If you're having a hard time with all of the changes your middle schooler is going through, socially, physically, mentally and even in your own relationship, then they are going to pick up on that! So, before you start anywhere, you have to be really real and honest with yourself about what your behavior around change is teaching your middle schooler. In an Elevated Adolescecne Podcast, Ashley and a group of moms talk all about the changes their 5th-grade daughters are going through, and what they are doing as parents to support them. It isn't all good days, and imperfection is a part of parenting, but it's their mindset that gets them through.

Oftentimes, a growth mindset can be confused for a constant positive outlook or giving praise for one's abilities, but this is a misconception. What a growth mindset truly is, is trusting in your abilities to help you improve and being able to develop different skills in order to accomplish something. This kind of mindset creates a natural love of learning, trust in one's ability, motivation, and dedication. If someone with a growth mindset faces a challenge, they are not discouraged but see it as an opportunity to learn and gain a new skill.

 

When you can shift your mindset to growth, change becomes a lot easier to experience. Of course, there are still challenges, but you can start to see change as a chance to learn something new and be better because of it. And adolescence is the perfect time to practice this.

Accept imperfection in yourself and in others. Learning to accept what is goes a long way for embracing change as well as living a more enriched life. Be aware of your judgments and how much time you spend judging yourself and others.

 

Reframe your fear. It's easy to get caught up in a fear spiral and make decisions based on things that haven't happened yet. Use your breath and your senses to ground yourself back into your body and what is currently happening instead of what you're afraid might happen. Is anything truly wrong in this very moment?

 

Not being ok is ok. When there is change, it's natural for you to feel out of sorts. Give yourself the space to have transition time. There is no need for you to get back out there or do everything right away. No matter who you are, change is something we need to get used to. Be patient.

 

Turn challenges into opportunities. Instead of turning away from an uncomfortable feeling around challenge, pause and ask yourself why you feel uncomfortable? Are you truly unsafe? Are you truly incapable? Or have you just not learned the skill get to through this particular challenge...yet? Start to see challenges as a way to be good at something new. And then you will feel more prepared for future challenges which will help you feel less stressed out about change in the first place.

 

Believe in your ability. You are more capable than you could ever imagine. Would you expect your middle schooler to be good at something the first time they do it? Have the same level of patience for yourself and know that it isn't because you can't do it, it's just that you haven't learned to do it yet or haven't practiced enough.

 

If this blog was at all helpful and you're wanting more, it's not too late to join Ashley in her 12-Day RELATE Challenge which works on exactly these points. She walks you through each day with purpose to support you in belonging to yourself and finding peace in your adolescent parenting journey. You both deserve it!